Saturday, 30 July 2016

Let me sleep, let me eat.

In 8 days, I have ate ONE proper meal, that was yesterday at lunch. I have not slept more than 4 hours since the night to Friday last week. I cannot take deep breaths and I can't even smoke. I can't do anything at the moment.

Thursday last week i was dancing around in work and I had absolutely no problems in my life what so ever. I haven't been so happy in a very long time. And then everything fell apart and now here I am. Tired, hungry and sick of everything. I'm so over this now, I don't care anymore, I don't have enough energy to care anymore even if i wanted to. So i dont.

Thursday, 31 March 2016

Getting back to being me.

I think a question I ask myself a lot studying what I do is Who am I.
I have a friend who keep asking me these sort of tricky questions, for example What are you doing, and Who are you. Things like that, and not like What am I doing right now, more like what am I actually doing with my life, where do I want to go and what am I doing to get there. It always makes me think for two reasons.

1, Do I answer with the truth?
2, Do I like my answers?
Most of the time I think the answer would be No on both of them.

So when was I last myself? I've had a lot ofweirdness going on in my life so I cant actually say for certain. I feel like I've been in a funk for obvious reasons for a while but I'm getting more and more back to being the person I was. But was I myself then? I'd like to think so. It's not like I'm not myself when I'm around my friends or family, I'm just not giving them 100%. I'd say there are only one of my friends who fully know me. Most people I'd say know me about 60% because I don't want them to know everything. They don't need to and I'm not comfortable enough with letting people know, simply because of a fear that they will use what they know against me.

However, I do feel like I want to get back to the real me. The actual real me, not the chanel wearing, resting bitch faced, evil eye giving person I've turned into. I want to get back to being a dreamer, a singer, a dancer, a writer. I want to be me again.

When I was a child I like most other girls wanted to be a pop star. You should have seen me, I was writing songs, I was always dancing, I was putting plays together and making up moves, I made all my siblings take part in my messy routines and I loved it. Then I told someone about my dream and I got so badly shot down no one has heard me sing since then. Nobody. I. don't. sing. I went from singing and dancing in front of the whole school to quiet as a mouse. I don't sing. I can't sing.

The truth is, I probably couldn't. But who says that. I loved singing. I adored singing. And then, it ended.

I have decided to start slowly to try and get back to being me, I'm well aware that it will take a long time. I also know that I want to do this on my own. I don't want people to know. I'm not doing this for anyone else but me. I don't need the change to show. I want to feel the difference.

Monday, 21 March 2016

I'm a f**king legend!

I should be writing my essay right now, it's due Thursday, I'm in work all day wednesday and I don't have all the books so instead of writing tomorrow I have to go get the books.. Go me! Well planned of me, right? But in all fairness, I'm pretty impressed by myself. Last week I went the gym 5 times, I wrote not one but THREE essays, and they are quality! And besides that I managed to deal with my every day, see my boyfriend, a few friends life AND have a cold. I'm a f**king legend.

So I'm pretty much taking a few well deserved hours off now, and I will spend them with one of my faves, Harvey Specter. For real people, you need to watch Suits. Now.

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

So this is my boyfriend.

Probably should have posted this sooner? I dont know, but this is my boyfriend anyway. Don't know what to say about him except he's even more lame than I am and looks ridiculously hot in black tshirts. Also, he's becoming a police officer and we all know ladies loves a man in uniform.

Oh yeah, and I've cut my hair. haha.

Tuesday, 23 February 2016


Stole this from my sisters blog, hah.

Five things I like:Reading
Ice cream

Five things I don't like:Porridge

Flavoured Coffee


5 things I would like to do in the future:Write my 3 booksTravel the world
Get a PhD
Learn to drive
Make a difference

Five words that describes my personality:Open

Someone said I'm funny

Five places I like to be:Liverpool


Five things I'm scared of: 
Giant Mosquitos

The sound of planes

Five things I look forward to:
This summer
Getting my hair cut 

Writing my books
Having a more toned bod
The future

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

Liverpool 2016

Guess who's back, back again. Rebecca's back, tell a friend.

So what's happened since last time I was on here? I mean, I don't think it's been that long but my friends don't agree. So I'm taking one for the team and writing you a post.

I just got back from Liverpool, so happy I went even if I was ill the first two days and spent far too much money on alcohol and clothes. Met some old friends and some new ones, had breakfast in Costa on the daily and had some time for myself. To be perfectly honest I feel like it was exactly what I needed. I needed to get away from everything for a little bit, sort my head out and take a little break from life.

I''m back home now and I'm happy, I feel like I'm back to normal. I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing for school, I'm back in work, back in the gym, sorted things out with Magnus who is now my boyfriend.. I finally feel like after a few rocky months, I'm back on track. Even put the cigarettes aside.

Although I'm writing this when I should be writing an essay, it feels really good being back in school. I was had the flu for a week and then went to England but I'm back now. Constantly have my face in a book, just the way I like it. :)

Anyway, here are some prictures from when I was in my favourite city in the whole world..
these can also be found on my instagram @janarebeccacaroline

Thursday, 14 January 2016

Well played Miss Goulding.

It's a little blurry how the whole thing started
I don't even really know what you intended
Thought that you were cute and you could make me jealous
Poured it down, so I poured it down
Next thing that I know I'm in a hotel with you
You were talking deep like it was mad love to you
You wanted my heart but I just liked your tattoos
Poured it down, so I poured it down

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

This song.

I've been listening to this song pretty much constantly for over a month now, and 3 days ago I found this version of it and I'm in love. It's on repeat. Forever.

Also, the guy in the leather jacket. Yes please.

Let's be friends!